


Kirby Retold

by QueenOfGlitch



Category: Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergent, Game retelling, Gen, Very Loosely Based on the Anime, tags to be updated as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:58:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17857703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfGlitch/pseuds/QueenOfGlitch
Summary: A retelling of the Kirby games that draws together Modern Kirby and references to the Kirby anime, making it a bit less episodic and more of a cohesive story.Written by QueenOfGlitch, Proofread and tag-wrangled by sbuggbot.





	1. Arrival on Dream Land

One fateful night, on Planet Popstar, a snail watched as a shooting star crashed into the nearby village. He jumped at the sound of the crash, and watched in horror as smoke began to rise from the impact site. At once, he rushed to rouse the self-proclaimed King and alert him of the news.

  
"Sir!" Escargoon cried. "A shooting star has crash-landed in Cappy Town!"

  
King Dedede, drowsy and grumpy from having been so rudely awakened, grumbled, "Is there a fire?"  
"There's smoke, sir!"

  
"But is there fire? Is the village in danger of being destroyed?"

  
"...No, sir, not that I can tell."

  
"Then it can wait. Let me sleep. We'll check it out in the morning." King Dedede barely cared. Being king meant that the PEOPLE should care about and revere HIM, not the other way around. He resolved to charge the people a fee for taking up his Very Important Royal Time, and grumpily went back to sleep.

* * *

A small pink boy woke to the light of the sun in his face, and found that the small ship he had been riding in had crashed while he was asleep, and had pulverized a small stand. Small fruits that were made of gemstones were scattered across the ground. Seeing them, the boy lunged for one and quickly devoured it, and found that it filled him with a rush of energy.1 "My shop!" A mage in white and green shouted in horror at the wreckage of his fruit stand. "I can't believe this!"

  
"What?" Kirby looked at Magolor, confused.

  
"I just got this shop set up! Now I have to go all the way back to Halcandra for more Gem Apples! I can't sell food that's rolled halfway across town!"

  
A pair of Broom Hatters walked up behind Magolor. "You said this is your fruit stand, sir?" one of them asked.

  
Magolor turned to face them. "Y-yes..."

  
"So all this mess of fruit that is blocking the road belongs to you?"

  
"I didn't make this mess!"

  
"Answer the question."

  
Magolor sighed. "Yes."

  
"If it's your property, then you are responsible for keeping it out of the streets of our fair city!" Broom Hatter thrust their broom into Magolor's hand.

  
"Why?" Kirby looked at the Broom Hatters in confusion.

  
At once, all three residents turned toward Kirby. "Who is that?" asked the Broom Hatter who had been silent until now.

  
"Beats me." The other Broom Hatter attempted as much of a shrug as they could.

  
Magolor studied Kirby. "Hm. He looks vaguely familiar. I can't quite place why... but he looks familiar."  
"Well, if he helped make the mess, he can help clean it up," suggested the less vocal Broom Hatter. They handed Kirby their broom.

  
At once, a white 'do-rag with little green stars2 manifested atop Kirby's head. "Let's do this!" he said, waving it around, before shouldering it and pulling a giant vacuum cleaner from some hammerspace pocket. He set it down, pressed a button, and at once all the Gem Apples, broken slats of wood, and the torn pieces of sign were devoured by the vacuum.

  
"There we go." Kirby turned off the now-full and very heavy vacuum and shoved it towards Magolor, who had to use his Star Shield to keep it from running him over, and returned the broom to the Hatter, which caused his Cleaning hat to vanish. With that, Kirby walked off down the street to see what there was to see in town.

  
Magolor stared in shock. "...Okay then. That's one way to do that," he said, as he began the very slow process of pushing the vacuum back to his ship.

* * *

As King Dedede made his way to the small village of Cappy Town, he was escorted by his retainers: the elder snail, Escargoon, and a Waddle Dee wearing a blue Bandanna, who simply went by "Bandanna Waddle Dee", or more casually, "Dan". Dan, as per usual, kept a wary hand on his spear as he scanned the crowd. An entourage of Waddle Dees playing trumpets surrounded the three, who stood on a parade float carried by yet more servant Dees.

  
"So where's this supposed crash site at, Escargoon?" Dedede asked grumpily. Truth be told, he'd rather be sprawled out on his bed-throne, being fed tomatoes by his servants. But Escargoon had insisted that they at least make some action regarding the situation, and a Cappy Town representative had been sent to the castle asking for the same. Dedede had groaned and grumbled but in the end agreed.

  
"From what I could tell, sir, it was in the middle of the town square. Near the fountain at the center of town," said Escargoon.

  
They soon arrived at the spot, where they found Magolor still struggling to push the vacuum down the road.

  
Dedede was shocked by the ruins of Magolor's shop. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF NOVA?" Dedede demanded. "You there! Magician! Explain this rubble!"

  
"I-it wasn't me! Sir! Your Majesty!" Magolor nearly jumped out of his robe at the sound of him. "Something crashed into my shop last night! It's still there, look!"

  
Gripping his hammer, Dedede leapt from the throne he'd been sitting in. With a singular swing, he dispatched the already severely-weakened front and examined the spaceship embedded within. "What is this?" He grabbed the star-shaped spaceship and yanked it free from the remains of the fruit stand, causing the stand to collapse entirely. "Who does this belong to? There's no one else here! No alien marauder, nothing of the kind! Nothing here to cause an emergency! And a SMASHED FRUIT STAND is CERTAINLY NOT CAUSE FOR MY ROYAL ATTENTION!" Dedede's blood was boiling. This was such a waste of time and effort! Someone's fruit stand is not his responsibility! An object falling from space is not his problem to deal with! Get the scientists or something! Dedede DID! NOT! CARE!

  
"Sir--" Escargoon tried desperately to calm down the king, but it was far too late. Dedede was far too riled up to listen to reason, and trying to intervene would likely accomplish nothing but receiving the King's wrath along with any other unfortunate soul in his way.

  
"YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR ACCURSED FRUIT?! THEN THAT'S THE PAYMENT I WANT! ALL THE FRUIT! No, ALL THE FOOD! IS! NOW! MINE! BY ROYAL DECREE! MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU WILL THINK BEFORE YOU WASTE MY TIME LIKE THIS! ANYONE WHO REFUSES TO COMPLY WILL FACE! MY! HAMMER!"

  
And so it began. Dedede and his servants paraded around town, and all the town's residents were forced to carry all their food to him, where it was thrown into a giant container atop his parade float, adding yet more weight for the servant Dees to carry.

  
At sundown, the last piece of food was collected, and Dedede's servants began their slow, agonizing march back to the castle. "Heh heh heh! That'll teach those Cappies to waste my time with space junk! It's probably something o' that merchant Magolor's, regardless of what he says. I don't trust him. I don't trust any wizards. Magic users! Bah! Muscle is the only _real_ way to power!" Dedede laughed.

  
"You tell 'em, sir!" Escargoon cheered.

  
Dan felt nothing but discomfort for this whole endeavor, but he couldn't work up the courage to say anything. It wouldn't change anything, anyway, he told himself.

* * *

1\. In Team Kirby Clash Deluxe, eating a Gem Apple restored all your Stamina.↩  
2\. Cleaning Kirby (Kirby Star Allies)↩


	2. The First Journey Begins

"For the last time! I am under direct orders from the king to forbid anyone from taking any apples!" A large deciduous tree was becomingfrustrated with the two little boys before him, who were begging him to let him have some apples from his branches.  
  
"We'll starve, you jerk! Give it!" the smaller boy, Parvus Poppy,1 begged.  
  
Kirby, who was taking a peasant stroll through the forest, noticed the commotion and dashed over. "What's wrong?"  
  
"This tree won't let us have any of his fruit," said the taller boy, Magnus.2 "King Dedede stole all of the food in Cappy Town in a fit of rage. Now he and his minions are forbidding any of us from getting food from other places! Said something about 'keeping people from evading punishment' and that we can't have any food until he feels like lifting the ban. By the time he does that, we'll all have died of starvation!"  
  
"Well, I'm sorry! The last time I tried standing against him, he cut down half my family with a chainsaw! I'd rather not lose anyone else!" Whispy Woods shouted. "If it comes between some random jerks and my family, I'll choose my family any day."  
  
This upset Kirby immensely. Giving a few apples would cost Whispy nothing, and this Dedede fellow certainly couldn't catch _every_ person who ate without his permission. Not that anyone should need a king's permission to eat! "Let them eat!" he shouted.  
  
"What?" Whispy stared Kirby down. "You want to try me, punk? I'm king of the forest! Maybe I need to show you brats why."  
  
With this, Whispy sent tendrils of roots serpentining through the earth, until the three boys were surrounded. Thorns sprouted from the roots, reaching high enough into the air that escape was quite impossible.3  
  
"Ohh man! What do we do?" Parvus started panicking. He hadn't been expecting the tree to ATTACK them! This wasn't good! He started running in circles, until he eventually tripped on a bush. He saw something buried underneath the bush! Maybe it was useful! He could only hope, and started digging.  
  
Magnus glanced over at Parvus. "Man, what are you doing digging in the dirt? This isn't a time for playing around!" Parvus stuck his tongue out at his brother and disregarded him, as he usually does.  
  
Kirby, meanwhile, stared down the giant tree, who was growing in size. He doubted that the Cleaning ability he had acquired earlier would be helpful here. There's not much a broom could do against an ever-growing arboreal assault. But he pulled the ability out anyway, just in case it might come in handy.4  
  
As Kirby did this, Whispy began exhaling noxious clouds of smoke within the confinement he'd created. Magnus crouched down to avoid them as much as he could, but still breathed in enough that he started coughing. He heard Parvus do the same.  
  
This had to stop, Kirby thought. From his cleaning supplies, Kirby pulled out a bucket of water, and dumped it on Whispy's face. "Gaah!" Whispy coughed and spluttered, and the smoke stopped coming. Then, Kirby pulled another vacuum from his interdimensional pocket and made short work of the fumes.  
  
Parvus quickly made tracks with his digging, and soon unearthed a bomb. "Hey, pink guy!" He yanked the bomb from the earth, falling on his back in the process. "Maybe you can use this!"  
  
Kirby caught the bomb, and a triangular party hat appeared on his head! Sure enough, the bomb granted him the use of the Bomb ability!  
  
"Fancy hats won't save you, bub!" Whispy puffed up his cheeks and spit miniature tornadoes out onto the battlefield, each one locking onto one of the boys and closing fast.  
  
Now that Kirby had the Bomb ability, he could summon as many bombs as he wanted from his pockets. He chucked one at each of the tornadoes, causing them to disperse.  
  
Whispy was becoming frustrated. "Oh, that is IT." He began shaking his branches, and suddenly apples began tumbling down. "YOU WANT SOME APPLES? HERE'S SOME APPLES."  
  
Sadly, these apples were rotting and turning purple. They looked likely to give you a terminal illness if you so much as looked at them funny, let alone tried eating one. The enclosure was filling fast, and the boys soon learned that even mushy and dying apples still hurt if they're chucked at your head.  
  
Whispy laughed as the boys cried out in pain. "Had enough yet? That'll teach you to mess with ME."  
  
Kirby responded as many would when a nasty fellow is laughing at the pain of others, and happen to have a bomb in their hand. He chucked the bomb at Whispy's face.  
  
"What the-- AAUGGH!" Whispy realized that he really should've seen this coming.  
  
Kirby, being quite upset, kept chucking bombs until the rotten apple assault stopped, and even a few more after for good measure.  
  
"All right, ALL RIGHT! PLEASE! You win! Aaooow!" Whispy was burned black in the face, and missing chunks of bark in places.  
  
"Give," Kirby said angrily. He pointed at the branches.  
  
"All right... Fine," Whipsy said. He retracted his roots, and let a few fresh apples drop. "Just please... don't let this get back to the king. He might level this whole forest."  
  
"I won't," Kirby reassured him.  
  
Magnus and Parvus were really impressed.  
  
"Wow, that was really cool!"  
  
"Are you going to go to the castle?"  
  
"Get our food back?"  
  
"Be a hero?"  
  
"You bet!" Kirby said, determined. And with that, he dashed off to the castle that he could see in the distance.  
  
A minute or two after he was gone, Parvus said, "...Hey, wait a minute."  
  
"What?" Magnus asked.  
  
"...Isn't that the wrong castle?"  
  
"...Uh-oh."

* * *

1\. Poppy Bros. Jr.↩

2\. Poppy Bros. Sr.↩

3\. Kirby can fly, but he can't leave these kids stranded, after all!↩

4\. In this universe, once Kirby has copied an Ability, he keeps it among his repertoire to use anytime, just like in Milky Way Wishes.↩


	3. Charge! Castle Like-Ebrum?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who have been here from the beginning may notice that Kirby no longer speaks in Poyo! This edit has also been made to the previous two chapters.  
> (I'm sorry to those who preferred it, but leaving it that way would have immensely complicated some later scenes, including this one.)

"Giant castle?" Kirby stopped at the gates. "This must be it, right?" Not that anyone was around to answer.

"Halt, intruder!" A voice came from the wall of the castle.

"Whaa?" Kirby looked around, but saw no one. The wall appeared to be perfectly ordinary.

"Young sir, I must ask that you leave!" 

"Aaack!" Kirby jumped back a foot or so. He could now see that a segment of the wall was not actually a wall at all, but actually a being: a blocky, grumpy face stared at him.

"We do not take kindly to intruders! Begone!" Blockin demanded.

Kirby regained his wits. "No! I wanna see the king!"

"I cannot allow you entry, sir!"

Kirby pulled out a bomb, his hat reappearing as if by magic. "Get out of the way," he said, the fuse already lit.

"I cannot!"

"Oh well. I tried," Kirby shrugged, chucking the bomb at Blockin and the wall surrounding them, causing them to be blasted backwards. 

\-----------------

Meanwhile, within the castle...

BLAM! The noise of an explosion shook the entire castle, causing its residents to jump out of their shoes.

"Mom, what's going on?!" asked Tuff, a small boy with blue hair.

Lady Like quickly regained her composure. "I don't know, son."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author posted this too soon but was too tired to finish it atm. Enjoy the preview, I guess?

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this then Glitch gave Bugg too much power over her fic.


End file.
